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  • Writer's pictureJanine M. Ray

The Ultimate Inside Job

Updated: Jul 19, 2020

No one can do it for you- I tell clients that I wish I had a magic wand or that I was a fairy godmother. But I'm not. Healing, growing, changing your relationship with life, and living with the most ease has to come from within- from the inside. And it absolutely can be done...

What I've come to know about counselling is that psycho education, clients sharing about their experience, and the safe expression of feelings will not in and of themselves change a client's external experience. In a nutshell, we can talk about things, ruminate, blame, project, regret the past and worry about the future, yet that will not change our internal world and how we relate and respond to the external world. Without that "inside job" piece, the puzzle cannot come together. We can become stuck. Many of us in our daily lives encounter people that seem to be stuck on particular or specific things- it is clear to us what is in the way of their well being. It is, unfortunately, not clear to the individual. It is THE SAME for us. We have blind spots. We have things that we simply cannot let go of. And the worst part is that we are not's not detected by our radars.

It's an inside job indeed.

I have had many clients who were not truly ready to look at self. Yes, you- you looking at yourself, your part in your experiences, and your part in your suffering. Sure others contribute. And sure, things happen in our external lives that are out of our control - such as pandemics, unacceptable police violence, systematic racism. This absolutely affect our inner experience of life. Also, also....we can change the way we relate to the external. We can choose different ways of being in the world. We can make the decision to make a change, and keep getting back on the wagon when we ultimately do fall off.

When we change our inner world, when we adjust our perspective, when we decide to really work on being in a different way so that we can expect different things out of life, then the external can shift.

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

Gandhi really was onto something. We cannot expect the outer world change if we ourselves are not willing to change. It's up to us to change our world, and not the world itself.

If you're not ready to make helpful changes to your way of being, to your perspective, to the thoughts that you choose to focus on, and how you respond to emotion, it is wasteful to pay for counselling and therapy sessions. It's akin to spending large amounts of money on vitamins and supplements, yet continuing to eat junky foods, not drinking enough water, and not exercising and nourishing your body- it's simply a not helpful.

So my challenge for you is to read and absorb the following quote by Sufi poet, Rumi:

"Remember, the entrance to the sanctuary is inside you."

If you are ready for awareness, accountability, and to make "inside job" changes- reach out to us at and we can pair you with the most appropriate counsellor for your needs.

- Janine

Image Credit: Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

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